Only Fools Modern Men

Rodney talking to "Ivor Hardy".

Detailed sypnosisEdit

Because of the good news that Cassandra and Rodney are expecting a baby, the Trotters go out for a night at the Nag's Head.

At the Nag's Head, Del Boy is able to convince Mike to accept a fiver for a trayful of drinks as well as sell him a "hairdryer" (actually an electric paint stripper) by doing the "I can make you turn your hands over without touching you" trick. Mickey Pearce then reminds Rodney that he needs to get a proper job before his and Cassandra's child is born (Rodney accidentally quit his last job in "The Chance of a Lunchtime").

Later that night, while they're in bed, Del shows Raquel a new book he bought called "Modern Man", which Del thinks will turn him into a very polite gentleman when he meets Raquel's parents in the near future. Raquel then requests that Del give Rodney a proper job, because in seven months time, he'll be a father.

Meanwhile, while they're in bed, Rodney tells Cassandra that Del has to stop making on-the-spot decisions. Del, however, has decided to have a vasectomy.

The next morning at Nelson Mandela House, Rodney tells Albert about a want ad in the paper advertising a highbrow company. He picks up the phone and dials the company, but doesn't realize that he's called Del's new mobile phone. Del takes part in the conversation with the false identity "Ivor Hardy" and talking in a strong Welsh accent, as well as explaining what his company sells; anything it can get its hands on, and Rodney's job is to take the stuff down to the market and sell it from a suitcase. Del enters the lounge and says in his own voice, "We're always on the lookout for dirty little plonkers like you!" Rodney realizes that the job he wanted is already his, and that Del only placed that ad in the newspaper so that someone could help him while Rodney looks for a real job. Del accuses Rodney of trying to get rid of him when Rodney said that he hadn't got a brother to Del. Completely understanding about his younger brother's worried pride, Del promotes Rodney to Sales Director.

The Trotter brothers go to Sid's cafe, and hide from a Sikh medic named Dr. Singh, who's looking for Del because of the faulty paint (whose expiration date was June 1983) he sold him. Del tells Rodney that he's getting a vasectomy, much to his younger brother's disapproval.

Sometime later, Del is in a medical clinic, ready for his vasectomy, and Dr. Singh is going to operate on him. Del screams loudly, and he wakes up in a cold sweat back in his own bed with Raquel. Del then decides to not have the vasectomy after all, and goes back to sleep.

The next day, upon coming back from the market, Rodney taunts Del for backing out of the vasectomy. But Dr. Singh shows up and demands that Del get rid of the faulty paint he sold him ASAP. As the Sikh doctor leaves on a motorscooter, Del wisecracks about him not wearing a crash helmet because of his huge turban, which gives Del an idea.

Later at 5:30pm, Rodney is shown wearing a horseriding helmet with Raquel's scarf on it, which Del calls a Trotter Crash Turban. Raquel believes that the product will never catch on, while Albert receives a phone call for Rodney from Cassandra's bank that Cassandra suffered a miscarriage.

The Trotter brothers quickly race to the hospital and ask the sister about which room Cassandra is in. As they head off, a drunken man is insulting the hospital staff and its patients.

As Del and Rodney arrive at Cassandra's room in theatre gowns, Del tells Rodney that he has to be comforting and understanding as well as talk about the future, not the past or present, because in Del's words; "[Rodney and Cassandra] have got so many good times to come." The Trotters enter, and Cassandra emotionally says that she's sorry. To Rodney's surprise, Del begins to cry. Rodney tries his best to comfort his wife and tell her that what happened to Cassandra just happens. Del agrees and leaves the room sobbing. Cassandra then says that she lost the baby, but Rodney tells her that they'll get through this. Cassandra smiles and hugs her husband.

Back in the waiting room, the drunken man is still insulting the staff. As Del enters the room to dry his tears, he is insulted by the drunken man's trash-talking. Del Boy shuts the drunken man up by hitting him square on the jaw. The impact from the blow causes the drunken man to sober up. Now feeling a lot better, Del says to a waiting patient "I bet you wish you'd gone private!", then leaves.


Season: Christmas Special
Writer: Ray Butt.
Director: Tony Dow
Producer: Gareth Gwenlan
Duration: 60 minutes
Airdate: December 27, 1996
Audience: stage play

Featured charactersEdit

Other notesEdit

Production goofsEdit

  • Sid's cafe increases significantly in size from "Dates" and "Miami Twice" in this episode. This is also the third different layout the cafe has had, as it is completely different in "To Hull and Back".
  • The Trotter van's registration number is DHV 938 D, whereas in "The Russians Are Coming" and "A Touch of Glass", the van's registration number was APL 911 H.
  • When Del is in his bedroom with Raquel, the extremely tacky purple headboard hasn't got a large golden heart within its design, whereas in "The Chance of a Lunchtime", the heart was incorporated within the design.

Miscellaneous triviaEdit

  • When Rodney phones Del up for his own job, Raquel puts him on hold. The music that plays while he is on hold is Old Shep, Del's favourite song from "Diamonds Are for Heather".

Previous episode: Heroes and Villains
Next episode: Time On Our Hands

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